she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
