Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
