I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
