i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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