I skipped work to stalk him.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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