It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
