Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
