Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
