batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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