I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
