I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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