Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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