This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
