She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
