walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You're like the curious george of whores
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
