nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
