you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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