True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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