what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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