my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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