She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
