My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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