Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
