he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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