I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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