White coat. Heels.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
