you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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