Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
