He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
