the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
