it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Less talking, more tequila
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
