Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.