I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
nutella sex= disaster
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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