My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
