He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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