Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
