My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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