thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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