Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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