i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
