There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
