she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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