Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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