The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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