whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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