He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
