im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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