if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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