i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
