Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
