Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize