someone get that fucking seahorse.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
