$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
