I wish life had little blips of pornography
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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