She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
