wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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