Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Four minutes until I can fart!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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