In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
