'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
