the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
