Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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